CPE writing correction Exam 2017

Hello Gustavo,

I would be very grateful if you could correct some of my writings and show me the failures. 

Many thanks.

Riman Ellis

Task:

Read the two texts below.
Write an essay summarising and evaluating the key points from both texts. Use your own words throughout as far as possible and include your own ideas in your answers.

The Financial Costs of Stress Research carried out by the Health and Safety Council estimates that stress and mental illness continues to be neglected by many businesses, both small and large. And the economic impact of this is huge, costing employers around £26bn a year. Stress at work can lead to a lack of concentration, fatigue and low motivation, all of which will cost the company in terms of low productivity, customer satisfaction and the very reputation of the company itself. Employers are being urged to become more "emotionally intelligent" and to improve the way they deal with stress and mental illness.

Speak up about Stress Many people find it difficult to talk about their feelings, particularly if we're feeling weak or vulnerable. However, when suffering from stress it’s vital you seek help. It's important to feel you can talk honestly with a close friend, a loved one, a work colleague or doctor about what’s going on. Stress is easily diagnosed and there is plenty you can do to successfully treat and manage stress. One of the most effective of these is to share your feelings with those you trust. Remember that accepting help and support is not a sign of weakness. Close relationships are vital to helping you get through this tough time

Essay on Stress at work

Suffering from stress not only impacts employee's physical and emotional health, but it also interferes with their work performance and productivity. This essay deals with the topic of stress at work and how to reduce it.

The first text raises the issue of how stress at work can affect the society on an economical level, and that if businesses, be them small or large, continue to turn a blind eye to this problem, the situation will only aggravate. It also states that employers must take serious action to help employees suffering from stress to overcome their problems by helping them become more emotionally intelligent. 

The second text focuses on how important it is for the individual to share their feelings with those close to them. It also suggests that talking openly about one's emotions and addressing all problems instead of avoiding them can help people keep any distressful feelings in check, therefore becoming more emotionally balanced. The text recommends getting professional help when going through difficult times.

It is absolutely beneficial for employers to create a calm and trustworthy atmosphere for those who work for them. It is also a good idea to foster friendships between colleagues, as having someone to talk to can lessen the negative effects of stress. At the end, companies who take care of their employees tend to be the most successful ones. 

Submitted by Riman Ellis

Words: 235

Feedback comment:  Is the writing too short? Please check task again. As far as I know, students normally write between 280- 340 words for CPE