CPE Writing Sample and Feedback 2017

Gustavo, am encountering a new problem. My essays being lengthy. And I can't make them short. please help me. Am sending  u an essay  with this fault.

Eliza Fernandez

Feedback: Dear Eliza. You are write. The text is way too long. I suggest you use only 4 paragraphs:

- Introduction

- Paragraph 2

- Paragraph 3

- Conclusion

No Title???

It is true that Todays children are influenced by modern games, mainly virtual where they do not need any companion unlike the traditional games. Apparently these games are proving to be effective tools in upgrading their IQ level but at the same time children are missing the joy of playing in team. (Introduction is usually a 3-5 lines paragraph which starts like this: Both texts discuss the topic of games and change...  The following essay will dewell on the social nature of games and its evolution in time and space. 

These days children are mostly attracted by computer games which are made for every age group with an end to test their aptitude and strengthen their learning process. For this reason children spend hours glued to computer screens playing these scientific games to learning better and faster than what their parents could have learnt in their age. The sencond paragraph usually sumarises text one: "The first text compares games in the past and the present..." and adds a couple of your personal ideas.

In addition, parents believe these brainstorming games will advance them in every field. For instance, there are abundance of educational games in the market those teach them real life lessons or even practical lessons in order to make them smart in handling problems and finding solutions. Moreover, modern parents are so engrossed in following their career path that they find little to no time for spending with their offspring.Hence,modern games are complimentary to teach them nearly the same as of elders also these help children to be self -centred in life, winning over loneliness and depression. The third paragraph usually summarises text two: "The second text states how natural it is for games to change despite tradition..." and adds a couple of your own ideas.

Contrastingly, parents are aware of the fact that modern games are making their children less creative owing to a number of facts. In their view, traditional games encouraged children to solve a problem by team discussion. Those taught them the value of friendship , companionship, team spirit from an early age what would help them in solving a problem from a different angle in life unlike video games where children are most of the time taking to a machine or becoming dependent on virtual intelligence which result in their disorientation from reality.

However, this is illogical to blame computers or modern games for children’s inability to cope with playing traditional games for a number of reasons. In the first place, these days, parents are more into motivating their children to excel in everything whether it is academics or sports. In many instances children are forced to read textual books instead of playing outdoors. Secondly, with time everything is changing therefore, it is not practical to make children cling to traditional games or toys. Finally, some past games are impractical; in terms, they contribute little to development of practical and theoretical consciousness in children which is essential in dealing with the present day problems like environmental pollution, global warming etc.

To conclude, I believe, all traditional games have not lost their significance. Children should be encouraged to play games that will perfect them in life.  (Perfect them in life?) Conclusion should integrate all previous paragraphs. Suggested length: 4-5 lines.